Ultimately I blame all this on the time of year it is, the end. It's looking back time, review central. If my life were a TV show this would be the part where the stars look back on the 'highlights' and make some sort of commentary. Don't worry I won't lame it out, though I might babble, maybe...slightly. So basically it is all about what Confucius (I will now refer to him has 'Coni' or 'Confizzy from this point on) is saying. Take your time, don't get all stressed out in speeding time up for it to happen but just keep on perservering. Like myself, I am sure you may have many dreams. Obviously, if talking about career's I would basically want to make my paper doing something creative, continuing designing and making clothes and/or art directing/styling photoshoots would be the main things. This desire though not fully ignited until a few years ago was bubbling under the surface ever since I was a teenager. These desires would have been something I harboured this time last year too, and if 2010 Nat asked 2011 Nat 'are you there yet?', Miss 2011 would have to say 'NO'. Ok, so I am not there, so what to do? Cry? Paint myself as a failure or a waste? Convince myself that because I didn't succeed within a year I wlll NEVER make it? Again, Miss 2011 would have to say 'NO'.
This isn't to say that you shouldn't be strict with yourself to some degree. We could sit around and not actively move forward in the things we want to do, and then still convince ourselves that we are allowed to feel sad when things have not progressed. Only YOU will know where you are at life, what quality traits of yours whether good or bad have been put in to play and again, it will be only you who can really make things change. We live in a world where external factors do affect us, however the thing that will be in your power, and in the end be the changing factor is how you perceive and act upon them. In all honesty have we used our time wisely? Did we use our finances efficiently? Did we make the most of what we already have, instead of still wanting more and standing still until we got it? As Coni said, DO NOT STOP.
So what have I done this year that has stopped me from falling into a pit of despair when I look at the objective fact that my bank balance is thin, I still live at home and have a full time job in something that is ultimately not where I would want to be (if any of my workmates read this, know that I really LIKE you, and you make me enjoy work)? So firstly, yes I have a job where I earn money so for that I am SUPER THANKFUL. And having money equals being able to buy things! I was able to buy a flight to Mexico, Hungary and Greece, getting to experience such beautiful scenery, cities and culture. I helped with some expenses leading up to my older sister's beautiful wedding and a big chunk of my £££ has gone to learning how to drive which is pretty expensive and I truly count this as education. However, still, how has any of that helped me with what I really want to do? I could be all off tangent and think of an obscure connection of how my spending really is in a way fufilling my dream but I won't let you endure that drivel. Therefore, let tell you something else. It really isn't all about money. This year I can happily say that through the sale of some of my items my true joy is not that I earnt a penny or two from it, but the fact that I was able to dictate even if in only a small way someone's fashion taste. Wear a knotted hairband and feel cool, or glance happily around work in one of my dresses, these are the things that make me so fufilled. Again, I have dreams to professionally Art Direct, and though no one has given me a penny to do it for them, I have still done it. The work I do for Magnify and Benjart, which are two brands you will find familiar if you are an avid follower of this site; have allowed to me conjur up concepts and visual ideas, then produce and style them into beautiful pictures that have gotten many good reviews from people world wide. I am proud of the work I have done that has sat well with people who enjoy womens lifestyle content, and UK streetwear too. Money aside, if you are a 'creative' that is the main goal right? To exercise your creativity. There is something beautiful in that and something that shouldn't be forgotten in the stress of trying to make money out of it. Work hard in your craft, and you will be an expert in it, and then people will come to you to help them out. Hopefully, anyway.
Now what are we going to do for 2012? Well, grinding for sure and moving forward Confizzy style. I will definitely be more adventurous and faith filled when making big life decision and I will will will be more sensible with my money. I really hope I will be disciplined with it. What I will continually do is not take the small things for granted, and not stop in my quest to learn things too. Shall I tell you another great thing about working in an office? Learning about the internet. This year alone I have self taught myself so many things by looking at the internet. HTML coding, free editting softwares, different design styles, tech support...so many things! 2012 will also be the year that I design a collection, and manufacture it. It will be small but it will be slicker and more put together, it will also be wearable for Autumn/Winter too. Styling wise I hope to continue at the rate I am going, and if time permits do more. I would also love to consult a whole look for someone too. These are my Bamboo sepcific goals, and Lord knows how many I have personally too. I think it is quite important setting some factors to achieve as it means you are working towards something, and as I have learnt while taking driving lessons. If you do not drive forward you will not see the junctions available to branch off in a different direction if you have found you are going the wrong way.
Well that was my thought flood. How did it sit with you? Let me know.
Ps, I love you for reading my blog, and supporting me in any of the ways you do.
Mama Natalie Bambooski xx